Squishing About in My Brain

Archive for August 2015

So, here’s an oldie for you. Although you never got to read it, so I guess technically it still counts as new.

Back in May of 2013, I got riled up over people getting riled up. So I sat down and vomited all that rile and bile into a blog.

Which you never saw.

Here it is:


May 14, 2013

So, Angelina has no more breasts. She chose to cut them off, even though they were not cancerous. And she had the unmitigated gall to TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT! OMG, what an attention whore!


I find myself feeling like I have to title this “Why I Have to Defend Angelina Jolie”, even though she certainly doe snot need me, or for that matter, ANY OF US, to either defend or castigate her.

And here’s why: she has already made one of the hardest decisions a woman could have to make.

As a boob-carrying woman (I have the membership card and the backache to prove it), I cannot imagie life without them, no matter how cumbersome they are. No woman rushes into a decision about excising part of her body.

A pro/con list doesn’t cut it. A snap decision it it ain’t, folks. Regardlessof which  choice gets made, it is a heart-rending, mind-bending, psyche-fucking trip.

Amongst those I know (and/or social-medially know), there were two generalcategoris of response:

1. “How brave and heroic of her to make this decision and then TELL people for the betterment of women faced with the chance of breast cancer!” (which is, actually,anyone with breasts),


2. “Hero,my ass!Fuckingattention whore! She’s not a hero, she;s a homewrecking whore!”

I know scapegoating and a witch hunt when I see it,people, so here are:


1. Brave, sure, but also, I think, necessary. Since society is not about to leaveher alone and let her experience be a personal, private thing in he rlife, what choice had she, honestly?

2. …Really? A woman our society has made a “star” (don’t get e started about celebrity worship—that is a whoooole othe blog!), and continually harrasses and stalks, has undergone a major, terrifying life experience, and you are still holding on to your “TEAM JEN” standing?! First—TOTALY FUCKING IRRELEVANT! It wasn’t even relevantwhen it first cameout.  Second, you fucking hyocrite. Third, in a celcbrity marriage, AS IN ANY MARRIAGE!, NO ONE KNOWS WHAT REALLY AHPPENS IN ANY DAMN RELATIONSHIP EXCEPT THE PEOPLE DIRECTLY INVOLVED: that would be Aniston, Pitt, and Jolie…PERIOD. And the thig about that, besides it being no one else’s fuckig business, is that when things tank in a relaitonship, no one involved is CAPABLE of being totally circumspect and honest aou ttheir actions/involvements/fuckups. As humans, we are both self-centered andprone tomartyrdom, and haveautomatic blinders on to OUR part in the destruction.WE are emotional creatures, , people, and emotions are messy, ilogical, and skew the truth when in the midst of uch matter, and it echoes through our lives.

Alos, feeding Jen;s pain and suffering by making her a “team” only mad eher stay mired in her breakup shit longer than she needed to be, and kept her from grieving, healing, and getting on with her life as she needed to do.

How dare I? How do I know? We ALL know. It happens to every one in a breakup.

The problem with fame is that people get moreconcerned with celebrities providing entertqinment and cannon fodder with their lives than actually being compassionate and concerned with them as POEPLE.

And yes, I took no sides in that bullshit (tee shirts? Really? You assholes.) , but I wouldve had to go with Jolie when I saw how much Jen was eing encouraged to walloow in her vengeful grief, and not heal, and how it all landed at Jolie’s feet.  You didnt do Jen any favors, people. That wasnt support, that was SPORT. Jennifer Anniston was imprisoned in the tar pits of her pain by people “supporting” er.

Firswt rule of friendship: help, don’t harm

My response is always that noneof know what happenedin those relaitonships . We can;tknow, so we have no right to judge. We should fuck off and mind our own business.


I found there were very few “who truly gives a shit” responses.

Here is  mine.

First off, know this: I have breasts.

Secondly, I have relatives woh havebattled cancer of various kinds, breast incuded. (She’s fie now, thanks for asking.)

Therefore, I could very well be oneof those women whom Angelina’s honesty could help.

I don’t dither about big decisions (only little ones, and then I dither teh shit out of them until I am running about like the White Rabbit.) It took me all of three seconds to know it would be very, very difficult for me to choose to be wothout my breasts. We are very close, and froma young age (I developed at ten and they just kept on going!), a lot of my self-esteem was largely dependent on them.

(No, you don’t get to say, “Your silly slef-esteem problemsareirrelevant!” Self esteem is ALWAYS relevant.)

Breasts are an intrinsic part of womanhood, and we live in asociety in love with breasts, and not afraid to reinforce it to every girlchild, in a million ways, every day. (Quit faking naivete. It’s a fact.)

My breasts have pleased menandwomen, fed my child, made me both ashamed and proud (sometimesin the same situation), have been my blessingand my bane for three and ahalf decades ow.Nwo that I am secure in myself apart from my physicality, I love them. They’ve served me well. I can’timagine not having them. It would be heartrending to try to decide to take themoff if they WERE cancerous, let laone if they only had a high probablity of becoming so.

So, my dmastectomy opinion is the same as my abortion opinion (which I was  faced with 20 years ago): it’s up to the individual and I would never judge; I just couldn’t do it myself.

So, here is my opinion of Angelina Jolie’s “breast removal coming out”:

1. That is a HORRIBLE decision to have to make. I can only imagine how wrenching it was to contemplate, let alone ctualy go through.

2. The way she is stalked, it is not like she COULD just keep quiet. We would;ve gotten tabloids andpeople who think they are real journalists,screaming :Angie chops off own breasts in mentla breakdown!” or some equally ridiculous shit.

So, 3. Way to go, trying tocircumvent some pain and shame for yourself and other women,Angie.

Thsi does not make her a media-hungry attention whore; it makes her a woman who had a terrifying experienceand hopes to, at the very least, let other women knwo they aren’t alone


By theway, there are a lot of ways to be heroic in our world. We all generally concur that military servicemen and women, and people who risk their lives to save others from burning buildings/ mass shootings/ natural disasters/terroriust attacks are heroes. But here is the thing, the important grassroots thingof it: heroism doesnt have to be loud. If you can do somehting to alleviate the suffering of others, to  make someone else’s life less harrowing, to help someoneelse see how much light and hipe and support is to be had in this fucked up world, THAT COUNTS. It counts because we ned each other, people. Less judgement, more joy. We are all in this together.You can be a hero to someone just as you are, by sharing your experiences and giving HOPE.

And that is what Angelina Jolie did—she shared, so others could take strength from a painful human exoperience. So, while I don;t think she needs kudos for talking abou tit, do think she deserves thanks.Thanks, Angelina Jolie, for adding to the collective strength and resilience  of women. I am sure your honesty will help women faced with their own potential health crises to amke their decisoins without shame or self-persecution. Gods know, we get enough of that from others who think they know what we should be doing with ourselves, our  bodies, and our lives as it is.






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