Squishing About in My Brain

Mind Vomit: Early Feb. Edition

Posted on: February 11, 2012

Hullo, dahlinks.

I haven’t had much to say lately.

Well…that’s a lie. A big, flat-out, who does she think she is kidding lie.

I always have plenty to say, I just often don’t say it; either sublimating it into extra naps, or blabbing it all over Facebook, Twitter, and Hippymom. (All places YOU should be taking advantage of, starting with HIPPYMOM.)

Be all that as it may, I’m going to try some loosely-organized mind-vomit for you today. You can thank (or blame) “A Mental Maniac”, who, despite not really knowing me yet,  has the good taste to find me funny and tell me I need to write more, as she has just found me. Thanks (or not) to Pam for the nudge.

*Let’s start with winter, as we are in the midst of it here in the mighty midwest. First, I have always hated winter, although I grew up here and only escaped for a decade to the west coast. Secondly, most people drive stupid in snow, even if they live here for their entire lives. Thirdly: Why I dislike winter, reason 412: Sunny should mean warm. This deceptive sun on a frigid day shit is bullshit. Like yesterday. And today. Mother Nature plays the hussy with me yet again. (Please note, that sentence proves you can use Shakespeare in everyday life—or at least a subtle bastardization of his words, which is good enough to prove my point. And my parents said changing to a theatre major would be worthless for me!)

It’s so cold in the morning that when my pug goes out, it’s too cold for her muscles to relax so she can’t pee, and ends up doing it later on the floor, suddenly and surprisingly, as though she WHOA! didn’t expect THAT! We saved the poor dog’s life with major surgery and still make her pee outside in frigid conditions. We suck.

*My baby girl is now eighteen years old, as of the first of last month. I am going to skip telling you about how this has affected my mental state, and tell you instead that, at the last minute, we managed to get her senior pics taken. I was not part of this process; I left it to Kidlet and Granny, since Granny was paying. …months passed…the yearbook deadline loomed (like THIS Tuesday!) But, I shall take the high road: I shall not gloat here. Suffice it to say that the Squidlet’s pics are ABSOLUTELY FRICKING GORGEOUS.  ALL of them. (Except I can tell when she fake smiles and I do not like it. She says I am the only one who notices. Well…it’s my job.) If you are in the central Iowa area and need pics for ANY occasion, check this woman out; she wowed me. (Of course, my daughter is radiantly gorgeous anyway, but I’ll credit the photog, too.)  www.saustinphotography.com (And she is a really nice lady, too.)

*Weighed myself for the first time in about a year. Turns out I haven’t weighed so little in most of a decade. Wish I had some magic way I did it to tell you, but there is no excuse for it: I gave up sugar, but then jumped back on the sugar wagon. I ate more vegetables, and then ate less vegetables (cuz sugar fills you up.) I DID, however, go through a couple jobs that stressed me out, and now have an active, though part time,  job with mostly decent people. Let’s credit that. Not hating people you work with, and climbing ladders all day works. Okay, the thyroid meds undoubtedly get most of the credit for the weight loss. Still, I mostly like my job for once. (Shout out to Tammy—YO, TAMMY! ROCK STAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!)

*Santa brought an xBox for Christmas! We had a spate of bowling for awhile, but my dad still won’t play because it “doesn’t bowl like real bowling”…i.e. the Kinect sensor won’t pick up his hook because he refuses to exaggerate it. Whatever, old man. Stand aside. I bought Wanted, Lego Star Wars and a weird Alice in Wonderland game (still unopened) to play, and borrowed Wolverine and Left for Dead from friends…Know what I do most on the xBox? …watch Netflix on the couch instead of in the cold basement. Yeah. I am extra lazy in the winter, I admit it. And my folks spend a lot of time hogging the TV. But at least I am not sleeping my life away like I did last year! That gets to be a plus, right? Doesn’t it?…please?

*I didn’t work today, so I’ve been cleaning out my Yahoo email. Killed off over 5K, thank you very much. (Do not ask how many are left; it makes 5K seem less impressive. Just go with it.) Am now tres sick of the computer. But not you people. No, never you! That, and I am in the cold basement, which is doing absolutely no good to my wonky left knee; it is starting to complain. And I cannot feel my toes. Pshaw- trifles!

* My mom made me breakfast today. Lazy Daisy sandwiches. It has other names; she calls it that because her grandma (Daisy) used to make them for her and her six sibs. Toast with the middle cut out, with an egg cooked in the hole. It was nice of her to offer; this does not happen often. I didn’t even complain that the white of the egg wasn’t cooked in part of it; I just soaked it up with a bite of toast. (Well…it took a few bites.  And I couldn’t look at it while I ate it. There is just something inherently yuckifying about uncooked egg white. Bleurgh!) When I went upstairs, though, she mentioned that hers wasn’t cooked, so I admitted it, in a non-blaming manner, thank you very much. Ate it anyway. Told her I figured it wouldn’t kill me off too soon. All in all, I still prefer my fried egg sandwiches, but I am lazy and hate to cook, so Lazy Daisies are fine with me!

*Where do banana slugs go in the winter? They live in the mountains, and it snows in the mountains.

*I need your help, fearless handful of readers: I need subjects/themes/”idee-ers” fer my next paintings. I’ve been lazy, and I really need to paint more so my sanity doesn’t slip (what do you mean “more”?! Shuddup) , but I need some fresh ideas. Feel free to give me some. So far the list seems to be narwhals, mermaids, mermaids with penises…I think that’s it. I am not feeling the penises. (Take that however you want.)

*Dad’s slamming things and cussin’, so I best go save the dogs from his wrath. Besides, my feet are numb.


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