Squishing About in My Brain

Maybe I DIDN’T want to go back to a “REAL JOB”

Posted on: October 12, 2010

 
 

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So, after I moved back to Iowa in July, I looked for “THE job!”, which is like searching for the Holy Grail without benefit of Arthurian knights, to be honest. But I soon figured out that, really, I want to start my own artsy biz, so a full time job with bennies (which most people (including my mom) think is the be-all-end-all of job requirements!) was not REALLY what I wanted to do.

I signed my ass up for “welfare” again–and no, I do not feel guilty; I have been working since 16, and paid my taxes when I owed, so…THAT IS WHAT IT IS THERE FOR! (don’t get me started—ahem) ANYHOO…I applied to places I would like, like the public library, Animal Rescue League, museums, etc. for a part time job. After 2.5 months, still no job. Car payment couldn’t get paid. We were eating though—thanks State of Iowa programs!—but without a JOB-job, I feared I would living with my folks and lose the car and be miserable forever.

So…I applied at Target, for a peon job which I have been informed is “WAY below your skill level and intelligence.” Well, thanks for that ego boost, but the truth is: I like my  job. It is exactly what I expected it to be. It ain’t brain surgery (which I am NOT licensed to do, by the way, but could read up on techniques well enough to do it in case of Apocalyptic Tragedy, if needs be.) Some days my job is just like playing “Which of these things is not like the others” on Sesame Street! I LIKE IT. And I work in hanging clothes a lot, which I became pro at from the time of my child’s birth up to the present—my job is just like picking up after children most of the time! It is a job that I can leave behind when I go home. I need not think of it, even once, once I leave the building.

That is a bigger relief than I expected.

Someone, who will remain nameless, informed me that I would get bored and not be able to hack a dull job, after all the responsibility and importance of my last job; that I would need my “in charge” fix. …they were wrong. I am very happy being a part time cog in the system.

In theory, this gives me plenty of time to paint and knit and get my biz off the ground.

Theories are nice.

But not always realistic when put into practice.

I work Flow, from 4 a.m. to noon:thirty, four days a week, lately with an additional five hour shift on Sundays from 8-1.

I could do without the Sundays, as two days off was enough to let my feet recover from the work I do, but overall…fine.

The thing is…well…I am exhausted all the time. I get home and need a nap by three.

I find I don’t even have the energy to create anything, or even knit and watch a movie, most days.  Which is what I WANT to do.

And, of course, there is the Catch-22 where when I make a certain amount of money, my state benefits get cut, even though I do not make enough to actually support myself and my daughter, and still have a car. Or afford to move out of my folks’ house.

And I am still a car payment behind anyway…I no longer make that big ole (comparatively) salary Bestan paid me when I lived in California.

So, let’s see…bills not getting paid, working over 30 hours a week, tired all the time, not enjoying life at 41…

Maybe I really DIDN’T want to go back to work…and maybe I have to change this sooner rather than later.

 

 

 

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2 Responses to "Maybe I DIDN’T want to go back to a “REAL JOB”"

Oh, sweetie, just find yourself a man and let him take care of you.

I hate the way the system wants us to do exactly that, survive on nothing, making it so much “easier” to be with (or remain with) a “breadwinning” partner than it is to give actual support in terms of wages, childcare (even if you’re past that), child support enforcement, etc.

That being said, keep looking for your holy grail in between shifts, sleeping and creating your marvelous works of art. It will work out 🙂

Could you work fewer hours a week? Then perhaps more time to do what you REALLY love..crafting! I am in a similar boat trying to get back to what I really WANT to do but I cant change my mommy hours. 😉

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