Squishing About in My Brain

Archive for January 2009

Yesterday was talk-about-sex day. My daughter had not had such a good day at school, and I had to beg and wheedle to hear about health, but she gave in. She even read me her notes.

Basically, they talked about what sex is, definitionally-speaking. And then they talked about the difference between “making love” and fucking, which “he calls PORN”. (She even wrote “PORN!” next to the list in her notes.) Making love, of course, dealt with commitment and relationship and responsibility and deeper feelings than physical ones. Fucking/PORN! was pretty much the opposite.

I asked my daughter if the guys in the class were upset at the teacher blowing all their lies/lines out of the water in his talks, and she said the guys don’t say much of anything…she suspects they are just trying to concentrate on NOT getting erections during class, since the teacher admitted that males can get erections for any old thought that pops into their heads, unbidden, at anytime. I think the guys are now afraid the girls are looking to see if they have hard-ons all the time! (They aren’t–the girls are actually participating in the discussions more than checkin out the boys.)

I didn’t tell her that particular challenge stays with them forever, and that I suspect men have to fight that battle until the day they die!

Wow, I am completely bored right now. And I really have nothing to say. I seem to have finished all my tasks, and need to go find more to do. My boss #2 brought me a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Frapp with whip (ALWAYS with whip for ME!) and I am happily guzzling it down and calling it lunch. I actually ate my lunch at 10:17 a.m., because I had taken all my meds and vitamins and had a stomach ache, so I needed to throw something digestable at it. Which is fine, because I have to go buy cat food and yogurt for my stomach during my lunch hour anyhow. Well, YOGURT for my stomach and cat food for our cats, who I gave a dish of cat treats this morning for breakfast, as I underestimated the amount of food they had left, and found it a teensy-tiny amount. Fastest they had ever eaten, though! Musta been yummier than the food usually is. And it kind of bothers me that I had to write myself a postie to remind myself about the cat food and the yogurt. I am not old enough yet to have a failing memory. I think my memory is just lazy…but I still remember most things in pinpoint-accurate detail without trying. That made the drunken college days more painful–other people could forget their stupidity…I NEVER forgot mine. Oh! I have to pee! Finally, something new to do!

Hello, my name is Chelle…and I am a Glass Junkie…I admit my inability to shake this disease on my own…and I turn myself over to my Higher Power to get me through, and to stop me from stalking Dale Chihuly and like-minded artists…ahem…I mean…

I just found out that someone I went to college with (and his lovely wife who I have never met, but am sure is awesome) is a glass artist now! I am jonesing to buy some of their pretties, despite the fact that I know my financials will not allow it. Maybe for my 40th birthday in April…hmmm…yeeeeessss…perhaps then…

You should go see his website: http://www.sigwarthglass.com/
I have no qualms a’tall putting in a pitch for them…their glass is GORGEOUS!!!!
You should all go see for yourselves, though. It totally rocks.
Sorry I can’t give you a peek, but I didn’t tell him I was going to rave about him in my little blog, so…GO NOW!

UPDATE! Douglas and Renee Sigwarth generously allowed me to upload these pics, which I think are two of the finest pieces I have seen (and I am think it’s very cool that these are the ones I would have picked too!) I admit it: I want to own these two myself. Admit it—you want them, too. You really want them. You should have them. You DESERVE THEM! Go forth and SHOOOOOPPPPPP!

The watercolor series is SO PRETTY!

I just have to share with y’all this story about my daughter’s health teacher.

First, yesterday was her first day of health class, and she is in there with, as she puts it, “JUNIORS and sophomores, and girls who have already lost their virginity!”, so she is a little uneasy, as she is none of those things.

I cannot for the life of me recall the teacher’s NAME right now, but he is a HOOT!

1. He told them that he didn’t really wanna teach Health, but he has to, which I think is a great admission.

2. He cusses (not AT anyone—he is like me and uses cuss the same way—as emphasis) and tells them not to cuss, which is so ME that it makes me laugh.

3. Words of wisdom that have come from his mouth already: I paraphrase:

“Girls! Boys WILL LIE to you! What they want is your vagina! I LOVE YOU means ‘I want your vagina!’ “

“And ‘friends with benefits’? You are NOT in a relationship! What that means is he can do whatever he wants, and then call you up and say, ‘I want your vagina! Bring your vagina over here now!’ “

“Tomorrow is going to be X-rated. We are going to close the blinds and the door, and hope [principal’s name] doesn’t come around. We’re gonna talk sex.”

My daughter now has a favorite teacher…it is HIM.

And honestly…it sounds like her health teacher is just a male version of her mother…I can’t wait for the next recounting of her day!

I MUST meet this man soon.

not my actual meal —->

Okay, it disturbs me when my microwave meal has “Real Fruit Dessert!” emblazoned on the box, especially in a prominent position. It sends a flurry of intimidating thoughts through my head, like: Does that mean that all the microwave meals that don’t say that are made with FAKE fruit? Because I used to have a play kitchen with pots and pans and fake fruit (the banana was my favorite…let’s not psychoanalyze that, please), and I have to say, it really was NOT that tasty, and impossible to peel. And if the other meals DO contain fake fruit, how on earth did they get those things peeled and chopped, when I couldn’t even chew through mine?! And does fake fruit have ANY nutritional value at all, or is it just a freebie, calorie-wise? And what IS the correct number of times to chew your food in that case?

And while I am here, I think we should start a worldwide campaign to increase the dessert portions, even of fake fruit desserts, because that IS the best-tasting part of every microwave meal. AND they should add desserts to their breakfasts, too. (People, I’m from Iowa…you ALWAYS HAVE DESSERT WITH YOUR MEALS! It’s a genetic imperative!)

But now that I look at my meal, I am wondering about there being no “Real Meat Entree!” on the box. I could be eatin’ someone’s Chihuahua and not know…it would still be a healthy choice, as they are small and not too full of fat…

And these green beans are lookin’ a tad unreal, as well…

But I need the fake vs. real question cleared up first…

Screw it. It’s back to peanut butter and jelly for me, starting tomorrow…

Mom. Married. Teacher. Novelist. Ballerina. Actress. Ballerina. Vet. Children’s Book Author. Singer. Ballerina. Doctor. Professor. Archaeologist. Theatre Designer. Painter. Midwife. Coroner. Vet Tech. Marine Biologist. Crime Scene Cleaner. Well-off.

What I Am at 39:
Mom. 9 to 5er. Queen of Spreadsheets.


Now, first off….I LIKE my daughter’s school. I think they are good educators and decent, caring people overall.
But that does not change the following:

I DARE the school to suspend my daughter for showing a bra strap.

How ridiculous is it to suspend girls because “bra straps distract the boys”?
Fact of life: pubescent boys notice boobs! Always. Everywhere. FOREVER!
Our girls could wear full-on loose fishermen’s sweaters…BOYS WOULD STILL LOOK AT, AND THINK ABOUT, BOOBS!
Boys do not NEED to SEE straps to be thinking about boobs! Boys are distracted because boobs EXIST!

There is a difference between dressing like a hoochie and having a bra strap show. To punish a teenage girl (whose self esteem is already shaky, thanks to the world we live in) for being smart enough to realize they need to wear a bra is ridiculous. The flat chested ones can wear spaghetti straps…or anything…as long as there are no bra straps showing?! It’s discriminating against girls who are more advanced, biologically speaking.

I guarantee—girls with breasts (which is most of them, I may add) are more distracting WITHOUT BRAS!

I’ve worked very hard my daughter’s entire life to engender her with strong self-esteem. Being a teenager is confusing and uncertain enough without having a school turn around and interrupt a girl’s schooling and put a suspension on their educational record for NOT letting their boobs flop all over; for wearing a bra and GASP! having a strap show at school!

Setting Puritanical rules to try to prevent biological givens is NOT helping anyone.
And it is punishing our GIRLS, who have less equality in America to begin with!
Undermine girls’ self worth some more, please!….thanks for your “help” in raising secure, responsible, intelligent children.

From what I hear, all the kids, male AND female, think the rule is BS.
And guess what? I pay taxes and write out my checks to the school and I vote…and I THINK IT IS BULLSHIT TOO!

I am SO glad this is a more pressing issue than giving our children AN ACTUAL DECENT EDUCATION!
How about, instead of walking around on the lookout for bra straps, you educate our children in a way that will help them to succeed in the world?
Stop wasting my tax dollars, and my time, and MY DAUGHTER’S EDUCATION!

So, I dare you to do it to my daughter. I’ll be so far up the school district’s ass I’ll need a full body HAZMAT decontamination when I am done.

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